The Return

So here we are again.

I first started this blog when I was in my twenties - all bright eyed and bushy tailed, fancying myself as the younger gay distant cousin of Carrie Bradshaw *(sic). I used it as a platform to dump my most inner thoughts and feelings without really having to address them.

I decided to return because... well life hasn't quite turned out the way I thought it was going to and I felt like I needed an outlet.

So what's new? What's different?

I am now 40 years old.

I got married.

A global pandemic knocked us for six, much like when you run into a glass door you didn't see coming. The world as we have known it has ceased to exist - a series of restrictions that we have all had to adjust to.

And I'm now currently going through a separation. 

It didn't last long... marriage that is. 

We just about hit the year mark before he turned around and told me he didn't love me anymore. 

My whole world came crashing down in a matter days. And I stayed in the same apartment, in the same bed for 3 months until I felt brave enough to leave...

'How? And why?' I hear you exclaim!

I'll save that story for another post.

So here I sit, in an apartment I'm renting out from my friend, for the next two months. Hurt. Confused. Separated. Scared of losing my job, because this pandemic keeps pushing us into lockdown. And just trying to piece myself back together. 

A Beautiful Mess seemed liked the perfect way to check in with those thoughts and feelings. The difference now is that I dive deeper into why I feel certain ways and I talk about it. Not just on here, but out loud to actual real people. I find being vulnerable - super scary but it feels amazing when you use your voice to express yourself.

If you've read this, I'll assume you'll be joining me on this journey of healing, self discovery and personal development... I'm giving you all that I've got, what's left of me.